According to the AP, George W. Bush sent a personal letter to Kim Jong Il of North Korea this week. But no one will reveal what George wrote. Doesn't do much for one's comfort level, does it?
The Clothesline is dedicated to bringing you the news in detail. We have succeeded in ferreting out a copy of Bush's letter, which follows in its entirety:
See, in Texas, we like to use what we call nicknames for people and stuff. Do you know where Texas is? I’ll send you a map with a “you are here” star on it. Heh-heh-heh. Hey, you oughta come to Crawford sometime for barbecue and a brewski. Did you know that Americans voted for me because I’m the guy they’d really like to sit down and have a beer with? Partly, that’s because I look so good. Nice haircut. Not one of those spendy John Edwards deals. Mine are free. Heh-heh-heh. Y’all might want to think about, you know, kinda updating your look. Shooter says you remind him of a hedgehog. Laura says that’s not nice. I'll let them duke that one out. Click here to read the rest of Bush’s letter.
Anyhoo, since the Hillster was gonna be in your neck of the woods, I thought I’d send you this little note. F-sharp. Heh-heh-heh. See, that’s double entenderness. I learned about that when I was readin’ all those books last year. And I don’t mind tellin’ you I’m mighty relieved that Turd Blossom is outta here, because I was gettin’ all blooey-eyed from bookiness.
Let me just get to the point here, okay? You were dangerous, you are dangerous and you will be dangerous. No, wait. That's hairy-chest talk. You got hairy chests over there?
See, we kinda got our grundies in a bundle here in the White House when you did that nucular thing in October. Made Shooter testy. Doesn’t take a lot to set him off, know what I mean? We kinda tippy-toe around the place when he gets like that.
I'm thinkin’ it would be a good thing if you and your little buddies would just scrap the nucular stuff. Knock it off. Take it down. Put it away. Fugeddaboudit. See, that’s what friends do. We empty all the shells and holster our guns to show that we're bein’ straight with each other. It’s the code of the west. But you know what? Could work way over in the east where you are, too. Well, it’d be west if you went there by way of Los Angeles. I think. I need to look at that map.
Gotta go. Shooter and Condi and Bob want to read this before I send it. But I’m gonna seal it up before they can. I’m the president. I’m the decider. I can do diplicity as well as the next guy, see?
Have a good day over there in Korea!
And there you have it. Remember: you read it here first.