Did you think we’d gone away forever? No such luck! Bad Penny here, back in the game. Been waiting for something important to write about.
Likely you have seen news of this already. As usual, we’re a little late to the party since one of us doesn’t watch TV and the other is gone (but not forgotten). As is our wont here at the Clothesline, we eventually get around to hanging up stories for in-depth scrutiny and analysis. It’s our special niche.
You thought you knew what’s important to follow these days? Pfaw, I say. In the same news cycle as:
- Sally “goddamn war” Fields
- O.J. “mother f**ker” Simpson
- Richard “leave no evidence” Cheney
- Michael Mukasey, possible successor to Alberto “I don’t recall” Gonzales
- Alan “six years too late” Greenspan
I give you (fanfare) Larry “wide stance” Craig, revisited in a particularly weird new way.
Yes, folks, people are flocking to the men’s loo made famous by Senator Larry Craig. Is this a great country or what?! Oh, keep reading; it’s good for you.
Picture a gaggle of Nikon-wielding tourists, elbowing each other for access to “the” infamous bathroom. Hear their excited voices.
“I heard he stood right here and stared through the crack in that stall!”
“Was it his right foot or his left foot? I forget.”
“Do you think there are fingerprints on the partition?”
“Ooh, ooh, I found a thread on the hinge. Do you think it’s his?
Picture half of these tourists (the females) realizing that the place is off-limits to them. Imagine traveling hundreds, perhaps thousands, of miles to see for themselves where the foot-of-power tapped thrice, only to miss out because of a gender fluke. Life is hard sometimes.
UPDATE: Picture a large, public men's room filled with TV cameras, lights, sound equipment and crew. There is absolutely no truth to the story that men were seen fleeing from the bathroom with their jackets pulled up over their heads, insulting the crew's mothers as they ran.
According to the Pioneer Press, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport workers have been fielding requests for directions to the infamous men’s room ever since the day Craig was arrested. Day of infamy.
We are told the stall is not yet challenging Valley Fair or Mall of America as a tourist destination. But given the amount of coverage it has received today, that could change in a toe tap. You see, Americans have a deep curiosity about national news. They want details.
Okay. Here they are.
“The” bathroom is just off the central food court, next to the shoeshine shop. Oh, and once you’re in, it’s the second stall from the right. If you’re female, be sure to bring a guy along with you.
WARNING: Don't read further if you want to be surprised when you get there!! "The" bathroom has tile floors. Sinks. Soap dispensers. Hand dryers. Urinals. Stalls. Rolls of grainy, off-white TP, same as that in the women’s loo.
How do I know these things? People, I will go to jail before I will reveal my source. Yes, you heard me right.
We Miller girls stick together when it’s a Big Story.