No more stalling

September 17, 2007 by barbara

barbara writes

Did you think we’d gone away forever? No such luck! Bad Penny here, back in the game. Been waiting for something important to write about.

Likely you have seen news of this already. As usual, we’re a little late to the party since one of us doesn’t watch TV and the other is gone (but not forgotten). As is our wont here at the Clothesline, we eventually get around to hanging up stories for in-depth scrutiny and analysis. It’s our special niche.

You thought you knew what’s important to follow these days? Pfaw, I say. In the same news cycle as:

  • Sally “goddamn war” Fields
  • O.J. “mother f**ker” Simpson
  • Richard “leave no evidence” Cheney
  • Michael Mukasey, possible successor to Alberto “I don’t recall” Gonzales
  • Alan “six years too late” Greenspan

I give you (fanfare) Larry “wide stance” Craig, revisited in a particularly weird new way.

Yes, folks, people are flocking to the men’s loo made famous by Senator Larry Craig. Is this a great country or what?! Oh, keep reading; it’s good for you.

Picture a gaggle of Nikon-wielding tourists, elbowing each other for access to “the” infamous bathroom. Hear their excited voices.

“I heard he stood right here and stared through the crack in that stall!”
“Was it his right foot or his left foot? I forget.”
“Do you think there are fingerprints on the partition?”
“Ooh, ooh, I found a thread on the hinge. Do you think it’s his?

Picture half of these tourists (the females) realizing that the place is off-limits to them. Imagine traveling hundreds, perhaps thousands, of miles to see for themselves where the foot-of-power tapped thrice, only to miss out because of a gender fluke. Life is hard sometimes.

UPDATE: Picture a large, public men's room filled with TV cameras, lights, sound equipment and crew. There is absolutely no truth to the story that men were seen fleeing from the bathroom with their jackets pulled up over their heads, insulting the crew's mothers as they ran.

According to the Pioneer Press, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport workers have been fielding requests for directions to the infamous men’s room ever since the day Craig was arrested. Day of infamy.

We are told the stall is not yet challenging Valley Fair or Mall of America as a tourist destination. But given the amount of coverage it has received today, that could change in a toe tap. You see, Americans have a deep curiosity about national news. They want details.

Okay. Here they are.

“The” bathroom is just off the central food court, next to the shoeshine shop. Oh, and once you’re in, it’s the second stall from the right. If you’re female, be sure to bring a guy along with you.

WARNING: Don't read further if you want to be surprised when you get there!! "The" bathroom has tile floors. Sinks. Soap dispensers. Hand dryers. Urinals. Stalls. Rolls of grainy, off-white TP, same as that in the women’s loo.

How do I know these things? People, I will go to jail before I will reveal my source. Yes, you heard me right.

We Miller girls stick together when it’s a Big Story.

Posted in


MLS (not verified) | September 17, 2007 - 8:08pm

Oh Barbara, thank you so much for the inside scoop about the location of the crime. I will be at MSP in about a week and thanks to you I won't have to second guess where, well you know, where "it" happened.


susan | September 17, 2007 - 11:20pm

Well, she who went missing is now home. Barely. Drove 10 hours from Michigan last week, spent a day in Minneapolis, then flew to San Francisco and am just now fresh from the MPS airport. Home sweet home.
Let me tell you, no matter how much you might think you don't give a rat about Larry Craig's wide stance, as you trudge along with your fellow bleary-eyed travelers from gate to baggage claim, your dehydrated under-oxygenated brain is noting every men's room and thinking, "Is that the one?" And all the men coming out the doors looks like they're doing their best to look both non-chalant and totally focused, zipped up and like so totally NOT gay.

So what a relief to check the C-Line and find that Barb has rallied and set us all straight.

Now, one other thing. I find that when I use a public stall these days I can't help sliding my foot over, trying to see how far it can go before I -- can't go. And then I snap it back to neutral turf just in case there's an agent in there, even though I have peered through the crack in the stall before entering my own to make sure there isn't one, but seeing as that might also get me in trouble, I don't spend a lot of time peering, so you never know.

And that gets me to thinking about women's public bathrooms, and wondering if women engage in sex acts in the stalls, or if this is kind of a guy thing. At least a "pro-family" Larry Craig kind of guy thing. And do we care? And why do I care? Blame it on jet lag.

I read a stack of newspapers on the flight home and found so many more disgusting things than Larry Craig that by tomorrow I'll have moved on. But thanks to Barb for welcoming Coya home with this trenchant post.


Anonymous (not verified) | September 18, 2007 - 8:22am

Does anyone know how long, oh how long, we must wait for Joel Kramer's Online News?


Poet (not verified) | September 18, 2007 - 9:24am

With the Republicans getting ready to flock to St. Paul come next August (or is it late July?) were I a Twin Cities resident I would have fun by relabeling a fair nuimber of Men's Rooms--say 10%--(Republicans Only) and station security personnel inside..


barbara aka babs (not verified) | September 18, 2007 - 9:41am

Well, to be fair, there probably should be 30% to correspond to Bush's approval rating. I think a cadre of folks with sandwich boards (This Way to Republican Bathrooms), each with a paper bag over their head, might do the trick. Wait, wait, I didn't mean that! Bad choice of words. Urgh.


barbara aka babs (not verified) | September 18, 2007 - 9:43am

Susan, may I recommend Velcro fasteners -- one shoe to the other -- to keep those errant feet out of harm's way?


barbara aka babs (not verified) | September 18, 2007 - 10:12am

Hey, Anon, I get Kramer updates each week, but maybe you do, too. I'll let you know, just in case. But Susan knows just about everyone, so she might have the inside story on this.


susan | September 18, 2007 - 2:06pm

Straight from the source, that's me. And my source says that the targeted launch date is "probably late October." I have a lot of respect for Joel Kramer and I suspect he's not going to rush into this without funding and writers and graphics and technology all firmly in place.
Stay tuned.
ps. This rain feels great. It's good to be home.


paul miller (not verified) | September 19, 2007 - 10:41am

the repugs lead the way in not passing the return to habeus corpeus to military detainees - how pathetic


barbara aka babs (not verified) | September 19, 2007 - 10:49am

Are ya kiddin' me, Paul? Oh, probably not. Best I go have a look around, if I can bear it.


paul miller (not verified) | September 19, 2007 - 11:24am

not kidding - anyone ever watch Sean McCormak and Dana Perino give pressers? Where do they train these professional liars? for some odd reason I have watched McCormak's press conferences for the last two days as he claims there will be transparency in the BlackWater investigation of up to 20 civilians massacred, yeah right, we are beyond the pale in what is carried out by the US military / miltary contactors