You knew when you woke up there was a little extra spring in your step, and yet, why? Yes, last night's rumbling sky and spattering of rain left a spanky-clean green world, and it's May Day, which in our new, warmer world means that blossoms have erupted early, from the glowing tulips at our feet to the lacey umbrellas over our heads. And the bees are merrily zooming from blossom to bloom, turning the flashy allure of stamen and petal to fruit. Oh, scratch that.
Maybe it's the Pagan in you, calling you to weave ribbons around the Maypole, or the Laborer, calling you to unite, or the moon, cresting towards full.
No, scratch that too.
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It's the 4th anniversary of Mission Accomplished! The war in Iraq ended 4 years ago today! We're bringing 'em home! The decider-in-chief said so.
Let's look at some of his words, spoken four years ago today from the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln.
My fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the Battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed. And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that country. Piece o' cake!
Operation Iraqi Freedom was carried out with a combination of precision, and speed, and boldness the enemy did not expect, and the world had not seen before. From distant bases or ships at sea, we sent planes and missiles that could destroy an enemy division, or strike a single bunker. Coulda shoulda.
This nation thanks . . . the Armed Forces of the United Kingdom, Australia, and Poland, who shared in the hardships of war. We thank all of the citizens of Iraq who welcomed our troops and joined in the liberation of their own country. And tonight, I have a special word for Secretary (Donald) Rumsfeld, for General (Tommy) Franks, and for all the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States: America is grateful for a job well done. Heckuva job, Rummy, etc. etc. etc.
Today, we have the greater power to free a nation by breaking a dangerous and aggressive regime. With new tactics and precision weapons, we can achieve military objectives without directing violence against civilians. So, who let the dogs out? Woof.
In the images of celebrating Iraqis, we have also seen the ageless appeal of human freedom. Decades of lies and intimidation could not make the Iraqi people love their oppressors or desire their own enslavement. Men and women in every culture need liberty like they need food, and water, and air. So, we're cutting back on all of 'em.
We have begun the search for hidden chemical and biological weapons, and already know of hundreds of sites that will be investigated. Sigh.
The liberation of Iraq is a crucial advance in the campaign against terror. We have removed an ally of al-Qaida, and cut off a source of terrorist funding. And this much is certain: No terrorist network will gain weapons of mass destruction from the Iraqi regime, because the regime is no more. And because . . .
Americans, following a battle, want nothing more than to return home. And that is your direction tonight. After service in the Afghan and Iraqi theaters of war '" after 100,000 miles, on the longest carrier deployment in recent history '" you are homeward bound. . . . Your families are proud of you, and your nation will welcome you. Yesss!
Celebrate y'all. It's over. Oh. Scratch that too.
Because his words that day were merely wishful thinking, as phony and inflated as the crotch-stuffed flight suit he wore when he spoke them.
So, back to the ancient pull and pleasure of May Day, the blossoms and the full moon, all of which have outlasted centuries of bungling leaders and crumbling civilizations, and, we hope, will again.
Text of entire Mission Accomplished speech here.