Why We Won't Invade Iran

February 15, 2007 by susan

by susan
We're out of people. We can't. The Army has announced it's lowering its standards for admission to its ranks due to a diminishing pool of recruits. They've already given waivers to high school dropouts, lowered the the scoring bar on aptitude tests, and loosened weight and age restrictions. Now they're giving a record number of "moral waivers", meaning if you have a criminal record for charges including aggravated assault, burglary, robbery and vehicular homicide, you can still tote a weapon in the name of democracy. However, rest assured, no moral waivers for gays and lesbians.
Hey, if Ted Haggard can get straightened out in three weeks, so can the rest of you. Read on.

Now, I don't mean to be too harsh here, because the sad truth about America, one of many, is that lots of kids get into minor trouble with the law and it spirals to bigger trouble and pretty soon they accrue felony charges and do prison time.

And when they get out, even the best of them, those who try to take advantage of the course correction they've been given, cannot find jobs. Serious misdemeanor and felony charges do not read well on the resume, and the gubmint isn't inclined to give them much of a hand.

So, with such limited options, the military makes sense. And for some kids, the military provides the training, discipline and camaraderie they crave. That was the theory, before we asked them to depose a dictator, fooled them with a few of the details of the mission, and then extended the invitation indefinitely.

So unless we are preparing to go into Iran with ground troops made up of high-school drop-outs, fat geriatrics and felons, it ain't gonna happen.

A draft you say? Not bloody likely. As you may recall, our Commander-in-Chief and his commander-in-chief never cared for the draft themselves. So how could they possibly justify the hypocrisy of instating one now? Right, it's a rhetorical question. Let me count the ways . . .

But if we can't defeat the street thugs and militias of Iraq with the troops we have now, how're we going to wrangle those nuke-obsessed Iranis into submission with the sub-par group we're now recruiting?

Well, I only said we won't invade Iran. I never said we won't bomb the beejeesus out of it. Does the decider need congressional approval to do that? Not if it's part of the war in Iraq. Stay tuned.

Posted in