This just in: Anna Nicole Smith still dead

February 09, 2007 by barbara

by barbara

UPDATE: Google News reveals 2,159 "news articles" on the death of Anna Nicole Smith. See ABOVE-THE-FOLD HEADLINES:

-- Autopsy begins on Anna Nicole Smith
-- Anna Nicole Smith leaves behind legal battles
-- Anna Nicole's happily ever after
-- Did drugs kill Anna Nicole?
-- Anna Nicole's mother blames drugs
-- DNA test of Anna Nicole rejected
-- Anna Nicole Smith timeline
-- Paternity war over Anna Nicole's baby
-- Thoughts from Anna Nicole's friends on her death
-- Local fans react to Smith's death
(who are these people?)
-- Judge: Smith can't be buried until paternity hearing
And my personal favorite:
-- She always managed to be a real person

Clearly, it would be beyond irresponsible of the Clothesline to ignore a Major Story that touches American hearts and informs our future.

For two days, word of Anna Nicole Smith's sudden and mysterious death has led the news. Great, gasping headlines suggest that she was an American icon. Comparisons to the tragic Marilyn Monroe are rampant. (Oh, please.)

Meaning no disrespect, but why is this Big News? Being disrespectful, but not meaning to be cruel, my observation about Smith over the years is that she was (RIP) an opportunistic woman of questionable moral fiber whose life was a complete, total mess. She was a walking, talking caricature. She could no doubt have over-filled Monroe's sweaters, but so what? Boobs do not an international news story make (unless they're George and Dick).

Here's the Cliff-notes version. Very large platinum-blonde with bodacious tatas snags dying, old man who has millions. People snicker. He dies. Family goes ballistic about his estate and Smith's portion thereof. She loses weight. The whole estate thing goes to court. She gets preggers. She gets married. (Don't remember chronology.) People snicker. Her adult son dies. There's a big to-do over paternity of her unborn child. Smith dies. More to-do about paternity. The end.*

Someone, somewhere spoke of weapons of mass distraction. Just so you know? This qualifies.

*Not really. There's bound to be a book. (sigh)

Posted in


Anonymous (not verified) | February 9, 2007 - 4:07pm

R.I.P, but who cares? We got us an astronaut love triangle....


betty (not verified) | February 10, 2007 - 8:51am

thank you for saying what I was thinking. Mass distraction, yup.

thanks also for posting the Tehran photos. Jumpstarted my antiwar hormones which had been numbed by mass distractions.


susan | February 10, 2007 - 11:05am

Thanks Betty. Let's send those Tehran photos far and wide. My antiwar hormones (is that what they are? Been so long since I've had a hormone in this old body I wouldn't know. Oh, wait, is vitriol a hormone?) tell me we need to do more with this sort of thing. Mass distribution of photos, that is.
As for the latest mass destraction, oy. How can it be that we're turning this sad heap o' breasts into our own Princess Di? I have the telly on waiting to see Obama's official hat toss, and that is still all they're talking about. History abounds. Ah, here's Barack. Cool. Cold. Freezing.