Sometimes there's more dirty laundry than the laundresses can handle, a damp and fetid heap so repellent that we just have to close the door and pull on yesterday's socks. Or, as I used to do, filch from a sibling's drawer.
Today, in acknowledgment of Barack Hussein Obama's hat toss into the ring, we filch from Eric Feezell at The Morning News.
Barack to the Drawing Boards
Senator Brock O. Alabam
A decidedly more "American" first name, "Brock" could be your corn-fed, record-setting high school quarterback from Indiana. Middle initial may stand for "Opportunity." As for "Alabama," well, that sounds better than "Brock O. Bible Belt."
Senator Barack "Blitzkrieging Barry" Obama
Nicknames: America loves them, and they're crucial in helping people accept entities foreign and unknown. This strategy worked well for African-American baseball legend Henry "Hammerin' Hank" Aaron, who was one-hundred-percent black; considering Obama's evenly split black and white heritage, could be twice as effective.
Senator Borat Obama
Great juxtaposition. Still serious in Congress, but fun and free-spirited on the street. Also, celebrates the American immigrant identity for those who falsified their immigrant identities. Easy campaign slogan: "Presidential Runnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of America."
Senator Barack Omaha
A geographical reference calls to mind two patriotic ideas: a bustling agricultural hamlet centrally located in the American heartland, and that ill-fated beach at Normandy where so many of our countrymen laid their lives upon the altar of freedom. Synonymous with hard work, sacrifice, courage. Plus, Nebraska would be a lock.
More at the site, but you get the drift.