Dear Preshdnt Bush,
Listen, dude, I'm starting to like this surge thing. Maybe it's because it sounds sort of sporty, like doin' the wave in a stadium, or on the field, say in rugby -- the surge. Scrum? Well, whatever, it's sporty, like I said. Sounds like it won't last long, and I like that.
It's got a good oil thing going on too -- a surge, like a gusher, meaning S-U-C-C-E-S-S, like I don't need to tell you. I mean, this is definitely a very cool word choice. Think surge in power, personal or electrical, or a surge of energy or excitement, any sort of surge. (Except surge in violence, that's a no-think zone.)
It'd be a good name for a night club, or an energy drink. Surge: A quick powerful hit. Might need a warning label about it being lethal for some, but what the heck, no one reads anyway. Get some buzz going and everyone'll buy it.
But what I'm thinking is, why don't we try the surge thing back home -- say in New Orleans, where the murder rate has surged (oops, sorry) since the beginning of the new year and the National Guard is patrolling neighborhoods where there still aren't enough local forces to do the job and the criminal justice system appears to be incapable of prosecuting the murderers, which all sounds kind of familiar?
And right here in River City we're having a crime wave and can't afford to replace the cops who were cut when your congress defunded the Clinton crime bill, a problem made worse by our tax-cuttin' smooth-talkin' two-timin' bull-shittin' governor who passed the funding burden on to the cities. We can't keep our libraries open, our roads are crumbling, our schools are deteriorating, and we need -- a surge of something.
The surge of troops in Iraq is supposed to be matched by a surge of jobs, and that's cool, but if we can do it there, can't we do it anywhere? Like Detroit, say?
I think you're on to something, I really do. For democracy to flourish, the Iraqi people need to feel safe and they need jobs. (And drinking water and electricity and a few other basics.) They need to trust their government and to know they won't be forgotten in their time of need. Trouble is, the American people do too.
Tell you what. You can keep the 20,000 troops; keep 'em home that is. And we'll settle for the jobs and the dough. That's a surge we can all live with.
Not very sincerely, Susan