How many steps will it take?

November 29, 2006 by barbara

My name is Barbara and I am a co-dependent. I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents. They divorced when I was 12 and they remarried (each other) when I was 21. It wasn't a good idea the first time around. It was an extremely bad idea the second time. In 1985, I orchestrated a family intervention with my father. He agreed to go into treatment for three weeks. He emerged sober. And he stayed sober for a couple of years. But he never worked a program, as we say, and he became one more sad statistic in the Dry Drunk Hall of Fame. Read on.

The morning he died, I rushed to the house, where his body still sat upright in His Chair, shrouded with the candy-striped contour sheet my brother had brought down. And as Mother and I began the familiar dance of pretending that nothing out of the ordinary was going on, her first words to me, punctuated by sobs, were these: "Well, I guess I'm drinking for two now."

The week after my father's funeral, I began attending meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). Predictably, I left the first meeting, thinking, "Wow! Those people are really screwed up!" Even now, I cannot say what prompted me to return. But I did. For several years, as it turned out.

I learned a boatload in that program. For starters, there is no such thing as "used to be an alcoholic." It is axiomatic that alcoholics will spend the rest of their lives either in thrall to or recovering from the illness of alcoholism. Either way, it's a forever thing. But it can be managed. And the world is full of gutsy people who are committed to working their butts off in recovery, day by day.

Turn now to the First Alcoholic. Harsh, perhaps, but it is what it is. It's time to name it and take a close look at it. LeftyMN sent me a quote the other day that went something like this: "At last the turd in the punch bowl has a name." Crude but apt.

Lynnell's post (see below) knocked my slippers off. I've been so fixated on the Oedipal drama playing out between the Georges, I totally missed the addiction element. I believe it's a major piece of what's happening right now.

Recovery experts (I am not one of them) tell us that when a family includes an alcoholic, a closed system takes shape. The alcoholic is center stage. All else is peripheral, which means that other family members become essentially bit players. Every day, they/we spend a good part of our time checking out the mood and mode of the alcoholic. Is he up? Is she down? Are they drinking or between cocktail hours? Does he have that glint that suggests he could go ballistic at the least provocation? Is she in charming mode or is she snarly? Families of alcoholics get very good at assessing where their alcoholic is on the continuum. And then they course correct accordingly. Often many times each day. Simplest solution: Stay off the radar of the alcoholic at all costs.

The closed family (government) system has unwritten but rigidly adhered-to rules. Very little information in, even less information out. It's like a secret society. Don't ask, don't tell. Don't even think about suggesting to the family that there might be a problem. Close the damn door. Pull the shades. Don't breathe a word of what goes on inside the family to anyone else. Put on your happy face in public and keep your mouth shut.

I remember walking to Sunday School one morning when I was a kid. My teacher asked me when I got there where my parents were. I told her they were still in bed with hangovers. Word got back to my parents. That launched events that led to my complete understanding about keeping family secrets.

When you live (or govern) in a closed system, you lose sight of the fact that the system is toxic. It becomes your reality and it becomes your "normal." Only in later years have I begun to grasp how aberrant my family was and, to some extent, still is. The gift that keeps on giving.

The concentric circles emanating from George W. Bush are many and more complex than most. His family of origin. His own family. His cadre of advisors. The Cabinet. Congress. Washington DC. The nation. The world.

It is generally dangerous to generalize, but George's behavior seems consistent with that of an unrecovering alcoholic. As I recall the story, George pretty much woke up one day, realized he was in the grip of demon rum, turned it over to the Lord and soldiered on. End of story? I think not.

ACOA, Alanon and AA are programs deeply rooted in things of the spirit, however one defines that. So I am not mocking George's God-talk. But there's more to it than simply saying, "Okey dokey, done with that. New day. New man. Hallelujah. Amen." The program is intensive. And likely it won't surprise you to know (if you didn't already) that part of it is about making amends to people for harm done to them. George W. Bush has demonstrated time and again unwillingness or inability to acknowledge mistakes or wrong-doing. I only remember him saying "I'm sorry" when someone else wrote it into his speech'"most notably about yet another spate of deaths in Iraq.

I believe the president of the United States has an addictive personality. It is mirrored in his family and in his administration. I believe that in the six years of his reign, it is possible that we have become a codependent nation. Waking up each day, wondering what he's said, done, what his mood is, whether he has humiliated himself or us yet again. Makes me want to rummage around for Melodie Beatty's "Codependent No More." It's here somewhere. I hope Lynnell has more to say about recovering from George W. Bush. It's an immense problem.

Make no mistake about it. Alcoholism is plug ugly. It ultimately killed my father, my mother and it nearly killed our family. This is more of my family pathology than I ever intended to post here. But perhaps it's instructive.

Posted in

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