George Bush had his annual physical this morning at the National Naval Medical Center in Washington. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that he went there expecting to have an American flag tattooed on his belly button.
The team of physicians performing the exam reported that Bush's smirk and wink are in exceptional condition, having been exercised extensively in the year since his last exam. His spleen is well-vented. His massaging fingers are in peak condition. His potty mouth is somewhat enlarged. But fortunately, there are no traces of shame or remorse. His heart shows signs of atrophy. His righteous indignation level exceeds that of Joe Lieberman's. His vision is fuzzy and his hearing is limited.
Finally, the president has buns of steel and no brain. Bill Frist watched the exam via television and declared that the president should be saved. "I've already been saved," snorted Bush, winking and smirking.
Tony Snow called a press conference early this afternoon to elaborate. "The President reviewed the medical report. He is pleased with the results. He did attach a signing statement to the brain thing. Helen, I can't hear you. Lalalalalalala. This concludes the press conference."