Spin cycle: There's good news today

July 27, 2006 by barbara

by barbara

"Why are you liberals so negative?" The question eats at my soul like a maggot on rotting garbage. Why indeed?

With a heavy heart, I started my routine of slogging through the news. And then, epiphany! I chose some stories to share with you. Choices that might seem dark and snarky at first blush. But no, it is time to rise above pervasive negativity. This is a new day. Every story--even those brimming with death and deceit and greed--must surely have a sunny side. For example:

Let us thank heaven that someone is keeping an eye on that rascally New York Times. The Sunday edition carried this correction: Last Sunday's column misstated the location of a children's lemonade stand patronized by President Bush last month. It was in Columbus, Ohio, not Raleigh, N.C. Folks, we can all sleep better tonight, knowing that someone is holding the liberal media accountable.

Also in the Times, we learn that Israel "suffered its worst casualties in southern Lebanon today since the current conflict with Hezbollah started, as thousands of Israeli troops there fought house to house, and village to village, in an attempt to create a buffer zone that Israel hoped would be filled by a multinational peacekeeping force." Well, if this is not good news, what is? A peacekeeping force. Awesome concept! Slash, burn and keep the peace. Shalom!

The Minneapolis Star Tribune says that 14 Minnesota residents are part of a drug trafficking organization that smuggled more than 25 tons of khat into the U.S. from Africa. Who knew from khat? Still, this is very good news, because it is a diversion from those pesky regulars, meth and crack. (You see how nicely this works?) The article says that khat is a natural plant stimulant. Believe me, you don't want to know the ramifications of stimulating your plants.

The First Brooder appears on the cover of this week's Newsweek magazine. He was photographed on Air Force One, apparently deep in thought, wearing a jacket emblazoned Air Force One. I assume that's so someone can help him find his way back to the plane if he gets lost. It seems that he is lost a lot, so it was very comforting to know that someone is looking after him.

I have wondered for a long, long time who raised Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman to become the man he is today. In 2002, Coleman gave us a broad hint, saying that his father, a military hero, is "the smartest man I know." Today, Coleman's 81-year-old father was cited for lewd conduct and indecent exposure for having sex in a car at dinnertime in front of a pizza restaurant. This very good news offers hope to men and women of every age. You go, Mr. C. (wink, wink)

Editor and Publisher says that another U.S. newspaper has dropped Ann Coulter's column. Some good news needs no further explanation.

Turns out that Donald Rumsfeld is uncomfortable with war, too. See the DOD transcript of his remarks on Tuesday. Asked if Iraq is closer to a civil war, Rumsfeld said clarified the situation this way: "Oh, I don't know. You know, I thought about that last night, and just musing over the words, the phrase, and what constitutes it. If you think of our Civil War, this is really very different. If you think of civil wars in other countries, this is really quite different. There is - there is a good deal of violence in Baghdad and two or three other provinces, and yet in 14 other provinces there's very little violence or numbers of incidents. So it's a - it's a highly concentrated thing. It clearly is being stimulated by people who would like to have what could be characterized as a civil war and win it, but I'm not going to be the one to decide if, when or at all." We are beyond fortunate to have this man at the helm.

God bless America.

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Grace the Amazing (not verified) | July 27, 2006 - 10:45am

George Bush absorbed in thought? Okay, that made me laugh. George Bush absorbed in himself? Closer to the truth.