Ann Coulter: The explanation at last

July 08, 2006 by barbara

by barbara

Someone sent around a photo of Ann "Probable Plagiarist" Coulter earlier this week. The first word that came to mind was anorexic. (Full disclosure: Okay. Bitter, venomous, harridan and shrew were right up there.) Coulter is the poster woman for "Yes, you CAN be too rich and too thin."

All of this gave me sudden, blinding insight into why Ann Coulter has America's most vicious mouth and reprehensible behavior. The poor thing is hungry! Clearly she is not getting enough to eat! She is skulking about, foraging on the fringes of society, living on road kill. That's what happens when a creature goes feral.

Just to be sure, I checked my resources:

Feral. A wild or untamed animal, especially one having reverted to such a state from domestication.
Feral. Wild and menacing.
Feral. From the Latin feralis, belonging to the dead. Hence deadly, fatal, dangerous.

Synonyms for feral: uncontrolled, unsubdued; brutal; barbarous; uncivilized; savage; ergo, Ann Coulter

You see how nicely all of this supports my theory? If someone could catch her (think Hannibal Lecter), perhaps Coulter could be tamed. I'm thinking a daily regimen of Happy Meals might swing the balance here.

There's an explanation for everything. Remember, you read it here first.

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Comments

Anonymous (not verified) | July 9, 2006 - 10:10pm

Ha! Nice. I don't know if she can be tamed. Hopefully the humane society can pick her up. That gives her three whole days to be adopted.

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49ER (not verified) | July 10, 2006 - 4:24am

If you visualize s(he) without the frills, looks like a man. All that make up, clothes, hair - looks like a very skinny woman. But what about that Adam's Apple?

I know people wonder, but I think it is a man in disguise or a wannabe a womam. S(he) thinks the joke is on the public, I don't think so.

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annaeye (not verified) | July 10, 2006 - 4:36pm

maybe she is suffering from Grave's disease. A thyroid condition (hence the pronounced adam's apple) resulting in excessive weight loss, tachycardia, shaking. This in turn can make you very cranky, short-tempered, and all together unpleasant.

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