Mark Sanford. It's the hypocrisy, stupid!

June 25, 2009 by susan

The thing about Gov. Mark Sanford isn't the fucking, it's the fucking hypocrisy. The so-called social conservatives like to define "family values" their way, condemn those who don't fit their model, then apologize for "a mistake" when they themselves can't walk their talk. A little bit more.

If these abstinence-only geezers like Ensign, Sanford and Vitter, who have all taken marital vows, can't keep it in their pants, how in the world do they expect sexually fervid teenagers, who've taken no vows whatsoever, to just say no? As a character in one of Tony Kushner's short teleplays says, "that isn't ideology, that's idiocy." Lots and lots of idiocy going round out there. And those soft porn emails -- whew. Like a parody of Bridges of Madison County, which was already a parody of mid-life adultery light.

Now, here's my question. Why hasn't anyone found Maria, the Argentine love interest? There are photos of her apartment building, they have her emails, we know she has tan lines and soft kisses. So why haven't the paparazzi found her?

Maybe it's because she doesn't exist. Maybe Maria is really Mario. Mark Sanford seems much too ready to talk about his lovely fantasy lady -- which got me to thinking. Maybe she's just that. A fantasy lady. Aka, a man.
You heard it here first -- something still smells in the Mark Sanford story.
If Fox News can run with rumors, why can't the Clothesline? God knows we've barely been running at all.

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Comments

lilalia (not verified) | June 26, 2009 - 2:24am

Now wouldn't that be a scandal. It just seems to me that any politician willing to disappear for a week on the Appalachian trail and turned up as an Argentina gigolo, still might have something up his sleeve. So you could be right. It certainly reeks of total-common-sense blackout. I just don't buy the "I'll throw away my career for a week in bed with this woman" ruse. He probably thought Argentina was too far away for the media hunters to scent and didn't realise that Google earth rules.

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barbara | June 26, 2009 - 8:08am

They found her. She was an on-air reporter after 9/11.

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susan | June 26, 2009 - 6:23pm

Oh rats. Well, I had fun making it up.

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Anne Gibert (not verified) | June 26, 2009 - 9:24pm

Right on! You're up and running now. I think you might be on the right track.

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susan | June 27, 2009 - 1:06am

If "they" found her, where is she? Or did Jocko's death drown that out too?
I mean, it's gay people who want to wreck marriage for everyone else, right? Not verse-quoting conservative heterosexuals. They respect the sanctity of marriage.
But Sanford chose carnality over sanctity, and he's wrecking his marriage, ergo he must be gay.
Sorry, I'm sticking with my (Swiftboat) story until she -- or he -- is completely outed.

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Poet (not verified) | June 27, 2009 - 9:18pm

Is He or Isn't He?

Well, Sooz, now you have up and done it! Just as I got used to the idea that maybe the SC Guv may have been gay, you up and drop the real bomb shell...

"If "they" found her, where is she? Or did Jocko's death drown that out too?"

Now you have me wondering if "they" killed MJ in order to cover up Mark Sanford's gayness. The mind boggles at the possibilities!

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barbara says (not verified) | June 28, 2009 - 12:41pm

(((Poet)))

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susan | June 29, 2009 - 12:30am

Poet!! Okay, looks like there's really a Maria. Personally, I was hoping Lindsey Graham would be outed as Mario. But yes, Jacko's death is suspicious. Credible sources, like his father and Jesse Jackson, say so, which is enough for me. I mean, really, the guy was just the picture of health, and then all of a sudden he's dead? (And what ever happened to Bubbles?)
Seriously, this is shocking in the same way the death of Elvis was shocking.
Most matches in death are random. For instance, my serious intellectual dad's obituary ran in the NYTimes along side Rudi Gernreich's, designer of the topless "monokini".
But when Farrah and Jacko and Ed McMahon all check out in the same week that Mark Sanford checks out -- to get laid in Argentina -- that's a pattern.
You heard it here first on Fox-like news.

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barbara says (not verified) | June 29, 2009 - 10:27am

On this weekend's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," it was noted that henceforth, the euphemism for, "I'm going to be hiking the Appalachian Trail" will be "I'm sneaking off to Buenos Aires to get boinked by an Argentine temptress."

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susan | June 29, 2009 - 11:43am

Or, the shorter form, past tense, as in,
Parent or spouse: "Where were you last night? I waited up until 4 a.m. and you still weren't home."
Teenager or spouse: "Hiking the Appalachian Trail."

Or maybe the even shorter, suitable for texting and twittering.

Teenboy 1: "Dude, where r u?"
Teenboy 2: " Hiking A trail w Tiff. Later."

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Cron (not verified) | July 1, 2009 - 2:37pm

At last - the rational explanation for the good Governor's dalliance: that was no mistress, it was my "soul mate!" So I guess that will keep him in the running for the 2012 presidential primary.
And of course it takes a big man to say he will try to fall back in love with his wife. I have to assume that comment is making her feel giddy, like they are 16 years old and courting again.
Congrats on getting a second US senator. We in Illinois are envious.

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