Texas flu, Rick Perry strain

April 26, 2009 by susan

Texas flu mingling with Alaska flu

I love pigs. The four legged cloven-hoofed kind, the Wilbur "Some Pig" kind, even the bacon kind. There is something so pleased-with- life-just-as-it-is about them --the boar with his low-rider balls swishing through the mud as he ruts for yummy stuff below, the sow sprawled on her side, piglets scrambling over her for the best teat. I know, it's the rare pig who lives that sort of life these days, but I'm a city girl and I like to pretend that until the click of the stun gun, my pork chop was having an A-OK sort of day. Read more. I get to Rick Perry, really.

So I'm really sorry that the flu epidemic coming our way has to be called Swine flu. Even if the virus did find some pig tissue to be just the right petri dish for gene swapping and rapid growth, and then leapt in a fleck of pig spittle into some unlucky pig farmer's nostril, thus setting off a chain reaction when that pig farmer went to market and, just moments after covering a whooshing sneeze with his hand, shook the hand of the dairy farmer, who rubbed his nose and then went home and kissed his wife. . . (Note to all. Wash your hands. A lot. Far more than you used to think you should.)

Anyway, I don't like to associate a potentially devastating disease with my idealized pig.

But then there are the two-legged, two-faced upright kinds of pigs who speak with cloven tongues. Gov. Rick Perry of Texas comes to mind. Only ten days ago at an anti-Obama "Tea party", Perry famously suggested that Texas might have to secede.

"I believe [the federal government] has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of its citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state," Perry declared.

Today, with three confirmed cases of Swine flu in his state, and a pandemic poised on his border, he's singing a different tune. He's asked the federal Center for Disease Control to provide Texas with 37,430 courses of anti-viral drugs, as a precautionary measure. As his website tells us, "The state is coordinating with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Department of Homeland Security (DHS)." What?? Those are tax-funded oppressive FEDERAL agencies, Rick.

The website also informs us that Gov. Perry has joined sponsors of a Texas House Resolution in support of states’ rights under the 10th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

So secede already. Take George Bush and the Alamo, Glenn Beck included, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. (But please leave us Austin.) And from now on, in defense of four-legged porkers everywhere, I'm going to call this the Rick Perry strain of the Texas flu. As you may recall, the George Bush strain nearly killed us. And without Molly Ivins around, there's no longer any antidote.

Posted in


barbara | April 27, 2009 - 7:21am

This works for me. All of it.

Charlie Quimby did a good piece on Texas as the Lone Star Nation. He wondered whether Texas would need an extradition treaty with Oklahoma to bring back runaway legislators. And he mused about whether Texas would want The Bomb. Kind of an extension of the second amendment, I guess, except, of course, that as a separate nation, those fusty Constitutional rules would no longer apply.

I was driving through the countryside last week, to and from Illinois. Which took me through Iowa. The place where pigs may safely graze (until they die, anyway). And I was reminded once again of "Babe." Now there was a pig.

Susan, do you suppose SWINE could be an acronym? I am not yet caffeinated enough to take it on. Reader(s)? Your thoughts?


Larraine (not verified) | April 27, 2009 - 11:22am

I've learned that big government is not to be scorned if: 1) it is reinvented by Republicans and 2) It is built to support corporations not individual citizens. I think Rick should not coordinate anything with the CDC and he should tell Obama to stay out of Texas with any government "help." No, wait, he would be booted out in minutes. Never mind.


Poet (not verified) | April 30, 2009 - 6:35am

We must all live together in this world no matter bow much we would wish otherwise. I con't wish anybody sickness much less death, but if thus swine flu helps to show the immature stupidity of boar-headed politicians like Rick Perry then it wil not have been in vain,

In Egypt (where pork or other pig products are not consummed in accordance with halal dietary restrictions of Islam) the government is on the verge of ordering the Coptic Christians who keep the nation's swine for purposes of garbage recycling to slaughter the entirety of their herds.

The swineherds point out that in their attempt to stop one epidemic of sickness the puvlic heakth authorities may be starting another (due to the growing piles of stinking garbage that will result),


susan | April 30, 2009 - 1:14pm

The Egyptian government is misguided, I believe, because once the virus has managed to make a human-to-human connection, pigs aren't the problem. Isn't it thought that AIDS originated in a monkey that had some undetermined interaction with a human? But one needn't dine on or copulate with a monkey to pick up HIV.
Egypt, spare the piggies!


club penguin (not verified) | June 1, 2009 - 7:55pm

The big government is not to be scorned if: It is reinvented by Republicans. It is built to support corporations not individual citizens. I think Rick should not coordinate anything with the CDC and he should tell Obama to stay out of Texas with any government "help."